Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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