Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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