I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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