I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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