Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize