you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize