As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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