i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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