If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
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I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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