After last night, I could never be a politician.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize