I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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