If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize