The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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