We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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