That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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