i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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