he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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