she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize