i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize