I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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