I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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