areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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