Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
