You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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