i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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