It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize