He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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