he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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