I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize