I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize