He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
this is an emotional support booty call
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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