Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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