is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am spending my child support on dildos
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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