that's an acceptable place to lick
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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