I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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