Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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