wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize