They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize