Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize