apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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