I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize