Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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