I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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