omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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