just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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