you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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