my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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