I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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