Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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