babies were throwing up all over the place
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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