When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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